Our angel, Rachel Elizabeth

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Rachel Elizabeth
May 19, 2000-July 25, 2000.
We love you with all our hearts and we always will.

Oct 14, 1999 (9 weeks): Ok, so the picture doesn't look like much... the little white thing that looks like a peanut is the baby! :) The woman who did it said that that the head is on the right and she said she could see arms and legs while she was watching the screen, who knew. It was probably easier for her to see on the screen (than on a still pic) because she can move around the transducer to see different angles. She said everything is right on target for May 18, 2000 due date. I saw the little heartbeat! :)

Nov 4, 1999 (12 weeks): I heard the heartbeat for the first time!

Dec 13, 1999: Negative Triple Screen Results! (This is a test for birth defects).

December 30, 1999 (20 weeks): Second Ultrasound
The u/s tech measured the head, belly, arms and legs. They all measured exactly to May 18 due date, so everything is right on target! We clearly saw all parts of the baby... the face, spine, arms, legs, heartbeat... it was amazing. The baby was VERY active, it was moving around a lot. The u/s tech had a guess of the gender but didn't want to tell us in case she was wrong. We are going back on January 27th to find out for sure. We didn't think we saw any little boy parts (it might look like it in the picture, but I think that's the cord).

Jan 27, 2000 (24 weeks): We Have News! Click here!

February 10, 2000 (26 weeks): I failed the one hour Glucose Tolerance Test, so I have to go back on Monday 2/14 to take the three hour Glucose Tolerance Test. The good news is that I am now moving onto the LAST trimester!! Yay!

February 15, 2000: I passed the 3 hour Glucose Tolerance Test!!

April 6, 2000 (34 weeks): The baby is head down! I think she flipped at 32 weeks.

April 13, 2000 (35 weeks): Passed the Group B Strep test.

April 27, 2000 (37 weeks): Baby is engaged and ready to go, so she could come any time now!

Rachel Elizabeth Ives was born on May 19, 2000!!

For those who are interested, here is Rachel's birth story.

Some pictures of Rachel

Sadly, there is tragic news to tell. My precious little angel suddenly went to Heaven....

If tears could build a stairway
And memories a lane
I'd walk right up to Heaven
And bring you home today
No farewell words were spoken
No time to say good bye
You were gone before we knew it
And only God knows why
My heart still aches of sadness
And secret tears still flow
What it meant to lose you
No one will ever know
~Author Unknown

She was doing very well and gaining lots of weight after an initially slow-gain start. The dr was thrilled and so were we. Here is some background info in case it turns out to be relevant... At about 5 weeks, while nursing, she cried a painful cry, then she put her arms up and stiffened up solid and turned red, I guess she was holding her breath and she appeared to be straining as if she had gas, sounded like she was. Then she stopped and was breathing ok, she was pale and sleepy from what happened (straining I guess) but she was ok. She did have poop in her diaper so maybe thats what she had been working on. I called the dr right away and explained what she did, they weren't worried and said she probably choked on milk. She had done the same thing 2 more times over the next month or so, I asked the dr about it a few times and he said it was nothing, that babies sometimes hold their breath when they experience pain, and he said it sounded like she did it because of the gas. Made sense to me, although I didn't like it when she did it at all! It wasn't always while nursing, because once I accidentally hit her with the phone receiver (felt REALLY awful about that!!!!) and she did the same thing very briefly, not like the other times, it was over after a couple seconds and she was fine, no marks, I told the dr about it anyway though.

On July 25, we had a normal day, she was very happy, she *almost* rolled over and I had no idea that it would be my last with my baby. That night, we went for a walk around 8:15pm, she *loved* to go for walks in her sling so we went every day (a couple of times a day!). We got back and I started to nurse her for the last time before bed, but she did the same thing again (cried out in pain...) The dr had said that the worst thing that would happen when she does this is faint, and that would make her start breathing again. I obviously didn't want her to faint so when she started to stiffen up, I blew in her face to keep her from holding her breath on the way to the sink so I could put some water on her face (same reason, to keep her breathing) as I was told to. But for some reason, we don't know what yet and don't know if we ever will, she stopped breathing. She was turning blue so Bob started to give her breaths and I called 911. The drs tried to bring her back to us but they couldn't. They gave her medicine and everything and they said there was nothing left to do.

She was learning SO much. She had hand-eye coordination already and was so close to rolling over. We had been rolling her over and she had learned from us to tuck her arm in while rolling so it wouldn't be in her way. She was so smart!

One thing I have heard about is QT Interval... my uncle is a paramedic and he told me about cases he has seen similar to my Rachel. He said that when they are straining (as she was), their hearts stops due to this defect in their hearts. It can't be detected in the autopsy so these cases are labeled SIDS. Any unexplained infant death is labelled SIDS.

DECEMBER 2000 UPDATE: Someone from Rachel's May 2000 Expectiing Club/Playgroup contacted me (Thank you so much Becky!) to tell me that her neice had been doing the same thing as Rachel. Their pediatrician told them it was normal but because Becky knew of Rachel's story, she urged her sister to get the baby checked out further. They found an expert named Dr Kelly at http://www.swsids.com, who did further testing on the baby and diagnosed her with a nerve problem. Thanks to the info that Becky gave me, I was able to contact Dr Kelly and tell her about Rachel. She said that all the information fit and that Rachel sounded like she had an overactive vagus nerve. This controls breathing, heartrate and GI Tract (I mention this because Rachel had reflux, which is common in babies with this condition). There are medications that can slow down the vagus nerve and I wish more than anything that we would have found Dr Kelly sooner so that Rachel may have been diagnosed and treated. This is also something that does not show on a typical autopsy, so these cases are labelled "SIDS" also. However, if the examiner knows what to look for, a certain marking on the brain stem, then it can be diagnosed on autopsy.

She told us what testing/monitoring we need to do with the next baby to take precautions because it can be genetic. Unfortunately we won't know if this is the cause of Rachel's death or not unless the next baby gets diagnosed, which would be more than scary. It is definitely a possibility though so we will test all future babies just in case.

JULY 2001 UPDATE: Rachel's sister, Hannah, has been diagnosed with a vagus nerve problem also. She is on medication and being monitored.
Info about Vagally Mediated BHS
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We love you, Pretty Girl!

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WHAT MAKES A MOTHER
I thought of you and closed my eyes, and prayed to God today. I asked, "What makes a mother?" and I know I heard him say,
"A mother has a baby".
This we know is true. But God, can you be a mother when your baby's not with you?
"Yes, you can", He replied, with confidence in His voice. "I give many women babies, when they leave is not their choice. Some I send down for a lifetime and others for the day and some I send to fill your womb, but there's no need to stay."
"I just don't understand this God, I want my baby here."
He took a breath and cleared His throat and then I saw a tear.
"I wish I could show you what your child is doing today. If you could see your child smile, with other children and say....
'We go to earth to learn our lessons of love and life and fear, my Mommy loved me so much I got to come straight here. I feel so lucky to have a Mom who had so much love for me. I learned my lessons very quickly, my mommy set me free.'
'I miss my mommy oh so much but I visit her each day. When she goes to sleep, on her pillow is where I lay. I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek, and whisper in her ear, 'Mommy don't be sad today, I'm your baby and I'm here.'
"So you see my dear sweet one, your children are ok. Your babies are here in my home, and this is where they'll stay. They'll wait for you with Me until your lesson is through. And on the day that you come home, they'll be at the gates for you. So now you know what makes a mother, it's the feeling in your heart. It's the love you had so much of, right from the very start. Though some of earth may not realize, until their time is done, remember all the love you have and know that you are a special mom."
Author: Jennifer Wasik, in memory of her son, Zachery

This page made in loving memory of Rachel by her mommy.

Music playing is "Tears In Heaven"